It's my cousin(Sbat)'s birthday now! Anyway, time check: 7:11am. Got here minutes ago though. Day hasn't really started so I don't have much to say, like I said. I will definitely be talking about my thoughts for sometime. Anyhow whatsoever, I'm genuinely so scared. The day I'll be talking to her by the way. I'm terrified. She's genuinely so intimidatingly scary yet so attractive at the same time. Listening to music right now too. I've already got an idea for my costumes. Both in book day and Halloween. I'll be Jake in Adventure Time for book day, and alien for Halloween. Of course, I am one, afterall. Anyway, I was talking about Batman. Yeah. I'm definitely shivering my timberjackson right now. I don't know why I said that nor do I know where I got that from. Just made it up. I like making things up like that. Like "oh my Fortnite battle game pass ultra fatronic!". It just makes more sense rather than swearing. I prefer that, to be honest. I like it better. Suits me alot. Okay, genuinely I need to stop changing the topic or just get the topic over with. Our school has an assembly talking about "vaping". Wow. That's when you know vaping has gotten bad, since it NEEDS an assembly. Maniacs, to be honest. They had to bring somebody from a foreign country too! It's obvious they're from another country. Watch them talk about kpods too. Lol. Anyway, like I said. Today's the day I'll tell her about the confrontation on intramurals week. I'll just say week, even though it's just 3 days. Yeah. Well, damn. Tomorrow after class, I'll be going on a 3 days sleepover in Mowl's house. Exciting, actually. I've missed our sleepovers actually. On Saturday, we'll be going to a mall. She's planning on buying things for her school project, and as for me? Well, of course, I'll see what I can afford. I'm broke. I do want fugglers, though. No, I need it. I need fuggleeerss. Okay, I'm calm. So calm. About it. Really calm. It's not like my heartbeat is rapidly increasing. Just the thought of it makes me think it already happened and she said she's done with me. Just a thought. I'm assuming, I know. It's the truth. To be honest, it's the truth. She's done with me. She's over me. She doesn't like me anymore. She doesn't want me anymore. She doesn't think of me as someone she can have a romantic relationship with anymore. It's over to her already. I was just an alien she could be with. Not realistically date to marry of her. I am a date to marry, by the way. I'm serious about her. I don't know about her, though. Doesn't seem like it. Was I just somebody that can make her not feel lonely? Oh, Batman. If you could just listen to my thoughts and everything. If I could just tell you or show you just how much you deeply mean to me. Yet, you still don't understand. Not a single bit at all. Just a clueless person. I'm so bored and sleepy. Still listening to music by the way. Anyway, yeah. That's it for now. Don't have much to say now. Time check: 10:02am. Okay, nevermind. Time check: 3:55pm. Awhile ago, Batman literally said hi to both me and Route. Actually, I'm not sure. I'm not so sure if she was waving hi at me too. But, she did wave and looked at me. She looked at me. 0.1 second by the way. Does she like me or something? Why is she acting like that. Do you have a crush on me? 0.1 second of eyecontact, literally. Anyway, I had to ask Yatter for help. I couldn't really talk to her because she was talking to somebody and they were having a conversation. I don't like barging in conversations. I hate it. Especially when it's people I'm not really close with. To batman, I was close with her. But, even if we were close, I would never barge in her conversations with her friends because I don't want to look weird infront of her. I don't like being the type of person to barge in conversations I'm not meant to be in. She has her own life. To others, yes. I know them. They wouldn't mind. To her? I'm not even sure. Not at all. Anyway, I really wanna know what Yatter told her. For her to be making 0.1 eyecontact of me? Surprising. That's a first of her. Does she actually like me? Why the heck can't she even look at me in the eye. Obnoxious. Whatever. Anyway, I'm bored. Super bored. Today was fun, actually. We had our program and our tutees were absent. So, all we did was just roam around and interview the teachers and stuff. To be honest, I'm so tired at the same time. I was so pissed at her that I genuinely went over my body's comfort zone. Now what? My legs are tired. So am I. Genuinely, I did not listen to my body. I just kept thinking, "I have to finish this. I have to finish this. If I don't, I won't feel any pain at all. I won't succeed at all". Look at that now. I feel absolute agony pain. I've never felt this pain before, actually. It's numb. My legs are numb. We were jogging 1 lap of 440km track n field. I'm intrigued. It literally took me 30 minutes to calm my heart down because it was literally just beating really hard. It was beating rapidly. So hard actually. It felt like I was having a heart attack. Except, my body was numb. Also, I feel like I was about to have a heat stroke. It was just so hot and everything. Seriously. Time check: 5:18pm. Already back home. Tell me why Yatter has not told me anything about it? Dude. This is seriously why I hate asking people to do shit for me. They take so long to tell me and by the time they tell me they'll go "oh, I forgot". Piece of Microsoft BULLSHIT. There's no way. I can't even rely on my friends anymore because of how stupidly short their memories are. Time check: 8:03pm. Just finished eating. Yatter finally told me what happened. She said this, "Batman and I planned to study in the library for math since we have SA on friday. So I thought to myself "that's the perfect time to ask her!" I told her "Alien wnated to talk to you during September 17 or 18 or 19, basta during Intrams!". She had that casual smile but immediately looked away to look at her screen. And I felt the different vibe she was giving so I asked her "are u not ready?" She said "no, not at all" with a neutral look in her face and she was still looking at the screen btw, she was not making eye contact. Then I asked "why" and she responded with "route knows everything" she looked back at me when she said that and her body language was laid back like arms crossed and like her back was resting against the chair". That's genuinely so OBVIOUS that she doesn't like me. That was clearly another way of her saying its a big NO. I just know she's very tired of me. So tired. She's piled up with so many things and I'm adding more to it. She definitely wants to get this over with so I could finally stop bothering her, and she can actually be at peace for once, instead of not hearing somebody countlessly wanting to hear her feelings. What-fucking-ever. I know I shouldn't assume but, this one is a clear one. It's SO CLEAR THAT SHE DOES NOT WANT ME IN HER LIFE ANYMORE. THAT SHE THINKS I'M A PAIN IN THE ASS. EVEN THOUGHT INTRAMURALS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A DAY OFF FOR HER BASICALLY; I JUST MADE IT A "NOT-DAYOFF" FOR HER BECAUSE I NEED TO TALK TO HER. It's stupid. So stupid. I'm absolutely fucking annoyed. I hate hate HATE it. I hate everything. IT'S GENUINELY SO STUPID. IT PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH. IT'S ALWAYS MY FAULT, IT SEEMS. IT SEEMS LIKE EVERYTHING I DO IS ONLY FOR MY BENEFIT, EVEN THOUGHT IT'S FOR THE BOTH OF US. TO FINALLY GET THIS FUCKING SHIT OVER WITH. ALL I EVER FEEL IS SHIT. SHIT BECAUSE, I THINK I'M PISSING HER OFF. I FEEL SICK. SICK OF THIS STUPID FUCKING WORLD. I HATE DROWNING ON MY OWN "ASSUMES" THAT ARE CLEARLY AND I MEAN OBVIOUSLY THE TRUTH. THE LEGIT TRUTH. I'M FUCKING DONE. ABSOLUTELY DONE. DOES SHE EVER THINK ABOUT THE HURTFUL SHITS SHES DOING TO ME RIGHT NOW? DOES SHE EVER THINK? DOES SHE EVER FUCKING ABSOLUTELY THINK?? WHO IN THE FUCKING RIGHT MIND WOULD TREAT SOMEBODY LIKE THIS??? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING RETARDED PIECE OF MENTALLY ILL SHIT MIND??? DO YOU FUCKING HAVE A DEATH ABSOLUTE WISH??? WHY DO YOU TREAT ME LIKE I'M NOT SOMEBODY WITH FEELINGS????? FUCKING TREATING ME LIKE I'M A NOBODY. THAT I'M JUST A THING FOR HER TO USE, AND GET OVER WITH ONCE EVERYTHING IN HER HAS BEEN FULFILLED. WHO THE ABSOLUTE FUCKING GOD MIND OF A PIECE OF SHIT DOES SHE ABSOLUTELY FUCKING THINK SHE IS??? A FUCKING COOL MANIAC?? IGNORING, AVOIDING, HAUNTING, AND TREATING ME LIKE AN ABSOLUTE PIECE OF FUCKING ABNROMAL SHIT, BY THE WAY. SHE'S NOTHING BUT A FUCKING RETARDED PIECE OF BLUNT MOTHERFUCKER WHO DOES NOT DESERVE TO EVER BE IN A RELATIONSHIP IF ALL SHE EVEN THINKS OF IS HERSELF AND THE PEOPLE WHO MADLY MEAN SO MUCH TO HER, WHO IS SO CLEARLY OBVIOUSLY NOT FUCKING ME. ABSOLUTE FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT. YOU'RE NOTHING BUT AN ABSOLUTE FUCKING MORON. YOU ONLY THINK ABOUT YOUR SHIT AND YOUR FRIENDS. YOU DON'T EVEN FUCKING THINK ABOUT THE ALIEN YOU HURT. YOU'RE SO FULL OF YOURSELF. FUCKING RETARDED MOTHERFUCKER. YOU FUCKING ABSOLUTE DISGRACE OF A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT FAGGOT. FUCK YOU. I HATE YOU FOR MAKING ME LIKE YOU. FUCKING ASSHOLE. IF I KNEW IT WOULD END UP LIKE THIS, I SHOULD HAVE NEVER EVEN FUCKING BOTHERED. I SHOULD'VE JUST STAYED AS A SIDE CHARACTER IN YOUR FUCKING ABSOLUTE LIFE. JUST LIKE RIGHT NOW. I'M SOMEBODY WHO ISN'T FUCKING MEANINGFUL IN YOUR LIFE ANYMORE THAT YOU DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT MY FUCKING FEELINGS ANYMORE. YOU ONLY THINK ABOUT THOSE WHO ARE TRULY IN YOUR LIFE. NOT SOMEBODY WHO "RUINED" YOUR LIFE. WOW. RUINED. AMAZING. LOOK WHO'S FUCKING TALKING. PIECE OF SHIT. YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M DONE. I GUESS I WAS NEVER SERIOUS TO YOU. I GUESS I WAS JUST A PHASE TO YOU. YOU NEVER THINK. SHE NEVER THINKS. SHE ONLY THINKS WHEN IT'S ABOUT HERSELF. I HURT MYSELF SO MANY TIMES BECAUSE I'M WORRIED SHE'S HURTING. INFACT, SHE IS NOT. SHE'S LIVING WELL. ME? ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NOT. SHE WAS ONLY HURT FOR DAYS. AFTER THAT? IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF ME AS A USELESS ALIEN IN HER LIFE. I'm tired. I'm so tired. Of putting so much effort, and on the other hand, I receive nothing but an ignore.